This crew depends on me...

[chaos_magnet]

As long as we're living and breathing, there's more we can do. We just have to be strong enough. captain . earther ACTION TEXT HANDWAVE

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[chaos_magnet]

[ James went with joggers and a flannel button up with their activities in mind, and he holds up the bourbon by way of greeting first. ]

If this turns into a date, I could have at least brought candles or something.

[ There's been not even a hint of interest between them, and so it's likely he's just trying to open with a joke, because he's a little uneasy with Nathan's demeanor. ]

[duderaider]

[the good news is that that earns James a laugh -- the bad news is that it's a mostly bitter sound, and as he takes the bottle from James, he raises it in a sort of mock-toast] Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm swearing off dating, at this point.

[never mind the fact that he doesn't open the bottle, doesn't drink from it. it's still the principle of the thing]

[he also apparently not keen on explaining (yet). instead, he exhales a breath, the life seeming to run out of him with it, and he tucks the bottle away into backpack before turning away] Anyway, uh. C'mmon. I think I saw a good place to climb from, over here.

[chaos_magnet]

[ And here he is, harboring interest for two or three parties. But there's no reason to share either, not yet, and as Jim falls in line beside his distressed friend, he sets the jovialness aside and easily slips into concern. ]

Sure you don't need a hug first?

[duderaider]

[he probably does, but looks like toxic masculinity ruins the day again! he shakes his head] Yeah, no, I think I'll stick to the Jim Beam or -- whatever, if it's all the same to you.

[chaos_magnet]

[ Jim gets a reminder of Amos, and simply nods with a 'sure' and a waving arm that reads lead the way. ]

[duderaider]

[Nathan mutters something that sounds like a word of thanks or maybe an apology, and then heads for the spot he indicated as good to climb. it does look that way, too, handholds easy to spot even for someone who's not as used to this sort of thing as Nate is, and he starts up wordlessly, that in mind]

[when he makes the roof, he rolls onto his stomach, stretching out to offer James a hand up the rest of the way]

[chaos_magnet]

[ Not nearly as nimble as Nathan, Holden at least has similar experience via climbing about ships with and without gravity, inside and outside of them, so he's not too far behind the explorer. With a grunt, he graciously accepts the assistance and hauls himself over the ledge. ]

You know, that's a lot easier without gravity.

[ Obvious statement is obvious, but still. ]

[duderaider]

Yeah, I'll bet.

[he shifts, that said, starting to sit up, to shimmy away from the edge of the roof, to stand. he wants to take a little bit of a look around, before they pick somewhere to settle, just to make sure the roof isn't going to collapse under them while they drink]

You do that a lot? [a beat] Climb on stuff with no gravity?

[chaos_magnet]

[ Jim mimics the movements and dusts himself off once upright. ]

I spend most of my life on a ship.

[ It's a non-answer, but the implication is that it's commonplace. Gravity is preferred, but it's nothing exciting when it has to be cut or is cut due to damage, threat, etc. ]

But we adjust the gravity to accommodate the crew, since Alex is a Martian and Naomi is a Belter.

[duderaider]

[ ... ]

Okay, Martian I get -- [even if that raises his eyebrows a little] -- but Belter?

[chaos_magnet]

Right, sorry - Asteroid Belt. Those who live beyond it; Inners and Outers, because of course.

[ Of course the labels are divisive. ]

[duderaider]

Huh. [he pauses, taking a moment to consider that as he settles down on what seems to be a solid part of the roof] I guess I never thought about people living on or around or whatever an asteroid belt.

[planets, sure, but]

[chaos_magnet]

[ James joins him, sitting with knees up. ]

I wonder what we'll name those beyond the Rings? [ Ringers, if they keep with their super original labeling, maybe. ]

So, are you going to give any kind of explanation for this outing? Or should I make something up?

[ Because they're clearly not drinking on the roof to star gaze (there aren't any anyway, which kills James). ]

[duderaider]

[it kills Nate, too, even if he's not from space or whatever. there's just something about standing in the middle of the Syrian desert, staring up at the sky. then again, though, if there were visible stars here, maybe he'd feel even more alone, more homesick than he already does]

[ ... yeah, it's time to break the booze out of the backpack, now, thanks]

I was -- seeing someone, here. [a beat] She's gone, now.

[chaos_magnet]

[ James winces, because that sucks and he can relate to that sense of loss via Amos. ] Shit. Sorry to hear that. Can I ask who she was?

[duderaider]

Her name was Caroline. [a beat] Little blonde girl? Kinda -- she kinda looked like she was half my age, but she just -- [look, she was a vampire and actually just as old as him, but he promised he wouldn't out her. does it even matter now, though, that she's not here?] -- she was only a year younger than me, she just aged really well.

[there's another pause, then:]

Her daughters are still here, I think. Josie and Lizzie.

[is he rambling? he feels like he's rambling]

[chaos_magnet]

I probably saw her around, but I've met Josie. When some of us took to the bunker the day we met? That's where I met her as well. She seems like a good kid.

[ Having only the daughter to go off of, James assumes the mother was also magically inclined, and that's the reason for looking younger. It's not important. ]

How long were you together?

[ James needs to know something else with regards to this situation, something that may help him and his, but he's building up towards asking, because it's a sensitive subject for sure. ]

[duderaider]

[Nathan nods to his assessment of Caroline's kids -- and then shifts a little, uncomfortable, fighting the urge to reach for his journal, to see when he started drawing Caroline in it. probably best to try and remember, off-handedly, rather than look fucking desperate]

[he's also going to crack open the bourbon and take a sip, thanks]

We both got here at the same time and kind of hit it off, right away. [he was flirting with Caroline on day one, whether or not he actually meant anything by it] We kind of -- we made it official, during the crap with the carnival, though.

[they ended up in the Tunnel of Love together and -- yeah]

[chaos_magnet]

[ James doesn't ask for any alcohol yet, content on Nathan hoarding it for a moment so that he can segue this naturally and ask something that's more for his own benefit but has the potential to help Drake as well. ]

To kind of highjack the conversation for a minute, I'm asking because I've been wondering how to...so, forgive me for bringing this up, you are more than welcome to shut me down, but you were married before coming here. How did you get to the point of being okay with everything?

[ James went months before giving into his lizard brain, his desires, Naomi consistently at the forefront of his thoughts. But things happened with Gabriel and the Mares, and then with Bela, and he's sort of floundering. ]

[duderaider]

[he lets out a bark of a laugh, the sound undeniably bitter] I had a nice, long conversation with Death.  [he pauses, hating the way the words feel in his mouth, but] Turns out I really am dead, back home.

[and Elena will never end up here, so he'll never get to see her again.  it's probably for the best, considering their marriage was already on the rocks, anyway]

[it's also not entirely true, because while, yes, that conversation happened and he and Elena would probably be done, even if he hadn't died, there's more to it than that.  being able to move on took a lot more than just that.  he's just understandably bitter, at the moment]

[chaos_magnet]

[ Jim doesn't take offence at the tone, especially when it's revealed that Nathan's one of the dead-on-arrival sinners. Amos and him discussed that when he'd been around - did either recall dying? was it possible? - but the conclusion was that they were likely still alive. And if Amos could show up, that leaves room for the others. ]

I don't think that I am. And already having someone from home show up means others could too, right? [ Jim's speaking very quietly now, looking into the middlenothing. ] I spent the first few months celibate, because I have someone there. We've been together a while now; I introduced my family to her. But this place, man. ( shakes his head, utterly lost )

[duderaider]

This place.

[upset giving way to resignation, he shakes his head and takes another mouthful of bourbon before holding the bottle out to James. drink?]

[whether or not he takes it, Nathan's silent a beat, before:] It was -- hard, moving on. Elena's still -- [important to him? claimant of a corner of his heart? he shakes his head a little] -- she still matters to me. I still missed her, even when I was with Caroline -- hell, I still miss her now, but ...

[but he's really not sure where he's going with all of this, so he trails off there, helplessly]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He doesn't look like he'll take the bourbon, but then James is slowly reaching out and taking a heavier than intended pull. He smacks his lips, wipes at them, and hands the bottle back. ]

I need a way to forgive myself. For moving on. Or, maybe not moving on, but moving with the place?

[ Holden shrugs and adds an 'I don't know' while dragging a hand over his face and keeping it above his eyes for a breath. ]

[duderaider]

Find a way to honor her.

[it's been helping him, to acknowledge the impact Elena had on his life while still moving on. he still wears his ring, for example, and -- well, he's just going to hook a thumb under the cord it's on and hold it out for him to see. pay no mind to the other ring. that one belongs to his dead ancestor]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He doesn't react at first, unaware of what's happening, but when James returns to the moment, he dips his head in appreciation and leans in for a closer look. There's no need to touch it, and so he doesn't. ]

You know, that's a really good idea, Nathan. And I think I already know how.

[ Reflexively, Holden touches his neck, thinking about the tattoos Belters get to mark where they're from. ]

And again, sorry for adding my shit to yours. But I've been struggling...or, I was, and now it's struggling with how much I'm not, if that makes sense.

[ Because James is thoroughly enjoying his time with certain others, to the point of probably being smitten. ]