This crew depends on me...

[chaos_magnet]

As long as we're living and breathing, there's more we can do. We just have to be strong enough. captain . earther ACTION TEXT HANDWAVE

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[duderaider]

This place.

[upset giving way to resignation, he shakes his head and takes another mouthful of bourbon before holding the bottle out to James. drink?]

[whether or not he takes it, Nathan's silent a beat, before:] It was -- hard, moving on. Elena's still -- [important to him? claimant of a corner of his heart? he shakes his head a little] -- she still matters to me. I still missed her, even when I was with Caroline -- hell, I still miss her now, but ...

[but he's really not sure where he's going with all of this, so he trails off there, helplessly]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He doesn't look like he'll take the bourbon, but then James is slowly reaching out and taking a heavier than intended pull. He smacks his lips, wipes at them, and hands the bottle back. ]

I need a way to forgive myself. For moving on. Or, maybe not moving on, but moving with the place?

[ Holden shrugs and adds an 'I don't know' while dragging a hand over his face and keeping it above his eyes for a breath. ]

[duderaider]

Find a way to honor her.

[it's been helping him, to acknowledge the impact Elena had on his life while still moving on. he still wears his ring, for example, and -- well, he's just going to hook a thumb under the cord it's on and hold it out for him to see. pay no mind to the other ring. that one belongs to his dead ancestor]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He doesn't react at first, unaware of what's happening, but when James returns to the moment, he dips his head in appreciation and leans in for a closer look. There's no need to touch it, and so he doesn't. ]

You know, that's a really good idea, Nathan. And I think I already know how.

[ Reflexively, Holden touches his neck, thinking about the tattoos Belters get to mark where they're from. ]

And again, sorry for adding my shit to yours. But I've been struggling...or, I was, and now it's struggling with how much I'm not, if that makes sense.

[ Because James is thoroughly enjoying his time with certain others, to the point of probably being smitten. ]

[duderaider]

[Nathan nods, shrugging]

That's why I'm still wearing my ring. [even if it's not on his finger]

[a pause follows, a breath out, and then he's gesturing for the bottle back]

But yeah, no, I get it. [he's someone that James knew had someone at home. he's someone James knew would get it] Hopefully I helped? [just be glad he didn't tell James it wasn't worth it because eventually, he'd lose whoever he'd gotten attached to. he, himself, learned that the hard way]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He's forgotten about the alcohol and starts before returning it to Nathan. ]

I think. I hope. That and trying to talk to them, like, set some ground rules or get an idea of how they're feeling. [ He pauses and hugs himself, head hanging. Since Nathan shared, it feels only fair to return the favor. ] I'm talking about Gabriel and Bela, for the record. Uh, Rodriguez and Talbot?

[ And seeing as nothing sexual has happened with Diana, he leaves her name out of it for now. ]

[duderaider]

[Aiden's eyebrows go up and down several times as he digests that]

[he wasn't expecting there to be more than one party James was interested in. he wasn't expecting one of them to be a guy. neither of those things are really bothersome, per se, though -- hey, whatever James is into, even if he's a one-at-a-time-ladies man, himself. he wasn't expecting one of them to be Bela, and that is a little disappointing, maybe, for all that he might have tried flirting with her, if and when he decided he was ready for something again, after Elena, after Caroline]

Huh.

[a beat]

I know Bela. I don't think I've ever met Gabriel, though.

[chaos_magnet]

[ He can't say "It's the blind guy", because it's not Jim's business to delve such information, and he gave his word to keep Gabe's condition to himself. What he can share is easily gained information. ]

He's rooming with Ignacio, and I've seen him hang out with Carol.

[ Just in case it triggers any vague passing-bys.

He reaches for the bottle, shifting his weight because it's still a little uncomfortable - the situation as a whole (slipping partial back into Old Jim, the guy who slept his way through previous employments), talking about sexual partners and them not being Naomi, just...everything. ]

Do you want to talk about whether that's a good or bad thing, or is there more you want to get off your chest? 'Cause I'm ready for either topic.

[duderaider]

[Nathan shakes his head, even as he passes the bottle back. this still isn't ringing a bell. he doesn't know Ignacio or Carol, either]

You'll have to introduce me, sometime.

[a beat]

And uh, I don't know. [and another] I'm not sure there's really much more for me to say. [this situation sucks. he misses Caroline. he misses Elena. he hates it here and he wants to go home. but oh, wait. he's fucking dead and this is all his fault]

[fuck]

[chaos_magnet]

[ His possession of the bottle is a short one, just a quick sip and it's being passed back again. ] Do you have a plan in place if either of them ever shows up? Elena or Caroline?

[duderaider]

[taking the bottle back, he takes a deeper drink from it. when he lowers it again, he looks thoughtful for a moment before ultimately shaking his head]

I kinda -- I don't feel like I need to worry about Elena showing up? [or anyone from home, and that's both a relief and a source of upset, especially right now. he really wishes Sam was here, if no one else] I mean, it's been, what, almost a year since I've been here, and I haven't seen anyone from home?

[a beat]

But Caroline? [he shakes his head again] I don't know, man. [and then he barks out a laugh] I might not even have to worry about it. I mean, I've heard some shit about people not remembering this place, when they leave, so.

[chaos_magnet]

Right. And at least if someone from home shows up, leaves, and comes back without memories of Penance they'll still have the memories from before. So, you know, small favors or whatever. There's still a connection.

[ It gets James thinking, though, about how he would feel losing Bela or Gabriel only to get them back at some undetermined time with their time together omitted from memory. ]

Hey, who are you living with at the moment?

[duderaider]

[Nathan blinks at the question, if only because he can't figure out how James got to it]

Uh, Tony Stark and Wanda Maximoff. [a beat] Why?

[please, fill him in on that train of thought]

[chaos_magnet]

If you were without suitemates, I'd suggest taking one of the two rooms Wuxian and I have available. Though, there's a running joke our suite is cursed, because every new person we get disappears.

[duderaider]

[he exhales a breath of a laugh, at that]

You trying to get rid of me, man?

[he knows he's not -- and he might think about moving in with James, to be honest -- but he can't help but joke]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He winces exaggeratedly, sucking air between teeth. ]

Ack, I was too obvious, wasn't I? Knew I should have been more subtle.

[ Holden shakes his head, denying any seriousness. ]

I don't know how the living situations work; how we get moved or upgraded, how someone gets a house, so.

[ Sew buttons. When they're in the 'Burbs, Diana will suggest he keep the house they take over, what with all the work the three of them will do to it. ]

[duderaider]

[Nathan flashes him a brief smile, sobering again as he does]

I think there's some kind of weird requirements, for some of the nicer rooms at the hotel, but. [he shrugs] I figured the houses were just kind of pick one and start moving your crap in.

[maybe they should. maybe he will. it's something they can discuss, later, after]

Best headcanon, tyvm.

[chaos_magnet]

[ James dons a 'huh' kind of look while thinking it over. ]

It would make sense, but I don't know, I still feel like there will be some kind of Survivor-like challenge.

[ 24th century be damned, James has watched the old reruns of a show that is shockingly still on air. Papa Jeff is a hologram these days and just as spicy. ]

[duderaider]

[and that startles another little laugh out of Nate, despite his overall lingering melancholy]

Okay, you don't have -- whatever I referenced, that one time, but you still have Survivor?

[he probably really shouldn't be surprised]

[chaos_magnet]

It's different now, obviously, but yeah; still have Survivor. Climate change and the passage of time in general affecting the world have had an impact and Jeff is a hologram now, but it still has some nostalgia? I don't know, aren't there just some shows that feel like they'll never end?

[ In the unlikely event someone brings in a yellow cartoon character, James can't name drop The Simpsons. ]

[duderaider]

There've been a couple of those, like, weird medical dramas that Elena's mentioned, I guess.

[just because he knows Survivor doesn't mean he knows a lot about TV. he only recently started getting caught up on the last thirty-some years of it. TV wasn't something he really did much of, between prison, lost civilizations and whatever con Sully was running at the time, growing up. either way, he won't be mentioning The Simpsons, either]

Also? Kind of creepy that they didn't just find another host.

[considering he feels like Jeff has to be dead, at this point? in 20-whatever??]

[chaos_magnet]

Half of the appeal of Survivor is the host, and since we have the technology, why bother changing the recipe?

[ Oh Probst be dead, alright. But ~hologram~ magic or something. ]

[duderaider]

I guess?

[no. no, that's still creepy. he's just going to have another mouthful of their drink, that in mind, thank you. he offers it to James after a beat and regardless of whether or not he needs to wash the taste out of his mouth]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He chortles at the reaction and declines, the drink meant to be mostly for Nathan anyway. He adjusts his position, straightening legs and keeping up his weight with arms planted behind him. Observing the visible areas of Hell below them. ]

Feeling better yet?

[duderaider]

[amusement falling away in measures, Nathan takes a moment to consider that. eventually, he shakes his head, though it's not an outright no, but] I don't know, man. [a beat] A little, maybe, yeah. It's less -- less raw, now, I think?

[having talked to someone]