This crew depends on me...

[chaos_magnet]

As long as we're living and breathing, there's more we can do. We just have to be strong enough. captain . earther ACTION TEXT HANDWAVE

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[chaos_magnet]

[ James joins him, sitting with knees up. ]

I wonder what we'll name those beyond the Rings? [ Ringers, if they keep with their super original labeling, maybe. ]

So, are you going to give any kind of explanation for this outing? Or should I make something up?

[ Because they're clearly not drinking on the roof to star gaze (there aren't any anyway, which kills James). ]

[duderaider]

[it kills Nate, too, even if he's not from space or whatever. there's just something about standing in the middle of the Syrian desert, staring up at the sky. then again, though, if there were visible stars here, maybe he'd feel even more alone, more homesick than he already does]

[ ... yeah, it's time to break the booze out of the backpack, now, thanks]

I was -- seeing someone, here. [a beat] She's gone, now.

[chaos_magnet]

[ James winces, because that sucks and he can relate to that sense of loss via Amos. ] Shit. Sorry to hear that. Can I ask who she was?

[duderaider]

Her name was Caroline. [a beat] Little blonde girl? Kinda -- she kinda looked like she was half my age, but she just -- [look, she was a vampire and actually just as old as him, but he promised he wouldn't out her. does it even matter now, though, that she's not here?] -- she was only a year younger than me, she just aged really well.

[there's another pause, then:]

Her daughters are still here, I think. Josie and Lizzie.

[is he rambling? he feels like he's rambling]

[chaos_magnet]

I probably saw her around, but I've met Josie. When some of us took to the bunker the day we met? That's where I met her as well. She seems like a good kid.

[ Having only the daughter to go off of, James assumes the mother was also magically inclined, and that's the reason for looking younger. It's not important. ]

How long were you together?

[ James needs to know something else with regards to this situation, something that may help him and his, but he's building up towards asking, because it's a sensitive subject for sure. ]

[duderaider]

[Nathan nods to his assessment of Caroline's kids -- and then shifts a little, uncomfortable, fighting the urge to reach for his journal, to see when he started drawing Caroline in it. probably best to try and remember, off-handedly, rather than look fucking desperate]

[he's also going to crack open the bourbon and take a sip, thanks]

We both got here at the same time and kind of hit it off, right away. [he was flirting with Caroline on day one, whether or not he actually meant anything by it] We kind of -- we made it official, during the crap with the carnival, though.

[they ended up in the Tunnel of Love together and -- yeah]

[chaos_magnet]

[ James doesn't ask for any alcohol yet, content on Nathan hoarding it for a moment so that he can segue this naturally and ask something that's more for his own benefit but has the potential to help Drake as well. ]

To kind of highjack the conversation for a minute, I'm asking because I've been wondering how to...so, forgive me for bringing this up, you are more than welcome to shut me down, but you were married before coming here. How did you get to the point of being okay with everything?

[ James went months before giving into his lizard brain, his desires, Naomi consistently at the forefront of his thoughts. But things happened with Gabriel and the Mares, and then with Bela, and he's sort of floundering. ]

[duderaider]

[he lets out a bark of a laugh, the sound undeniably bitter] I had a nice, long conversation with Death.  [he pauses, hating the way the words feel in his mouth, but] Turns out I really am dead, back home.

[and Elena will never end up here, so he'll never get to see her again.  it's probably for the best, considering their marriage was already on the rocks, anyway]

[it's also not entirely true, because while, yes, that conversation happened and he and Elena would probably be done, even if he hadn't died, there's more to it than that.  being able to move on took a lot more than just that.  he's just understandably bitter, at the moment]

[chaos_magnet]

[ Jim doesn't take offence at the tone, especially when it's revealed that Nathan's one of the dead-on-arrival sinners. Amos and him discussed that when he'd been around - did either recall dying? was it possible? - but the conclusion was that they were likely still alive. And if Amos could show up, that leaves room for the others. ]

I don't think that I am. And already having someone from home show up means others could too, right? [ Jim's speaking very quietly now, looking into the middlenothing. ] I spent the first few months celibate, because I have someone there. We've been together a while now; I introduced my family to her. But this place, man. ( shakes his head, utterly lost )

[duderaider]

This place.

[upset giving way to resignation, he shakes his head and takes another mouthful of bourbon before holding the bottle out to James. drink?]

[whether or not he takes it, Nathan's silent a beat, before:] It was -- hard, moving on. Elena's still -- [important to him? claimant of a corner of his heart? he shakes his head a little] -- she still matters to me. I still missed her, even when I was with Caroline -- hell, I still miss her now, but ...

[but he's really not sure where he's going with all of this, so he trails off there, helplessly]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He doesn't look like he'll take the bourbon, but then James is slowly reaching out and taking a heavier than intended pull. He smacks his lips, wipes at them, and hands the bottle back. ]

I need a way to forgive myself. For moving on. Or, maybe not moving on, but moving with the place?

[ Holden shrugs and adds an 'I don't know' while dragging a hand over his face and keeping it above his eyes for a breath. ]

[duderaider]

Find a way to honor her.

[it's been helping him, to acknowledge the impact Elena had on his life while still moving on. he still wears his ring, for example, and -- well, he's just going to hook a thumb under the cord it's on and hold it out for him to see. pay no mind to the other ring. that one belongs to his dead ancestor]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He doesn't react at first, unaware of what's happening, but when James returns to the moment, he dips his head in appreciation and leans in for a closer look. There's no need to touch it, and so he doesn't. ]

You know, that's a really good idea, Nathan. And I think I already know how.

[ Reflexively, Holden touches his neck, thinking about the tattoos Belters get to mark where they're from. ]

And again, sorry for adding my shit to yours. But I've been struggling...or, I was, and now it's struggling with how much I'm not, if that makes sense.

[ Because James is thoroughly enjoying his time with certain others, to the point of probably being smitten. ]

[duderaider]

[Nathan nods, shrugging]

That's why I'm still wearing my ring. [even if it's not on his finger]

[a pause follows, a breath out, and then he's gesturing for the bottle back]

But yeah, no, I get it. [he's someone that James knew had someone at home. he's someone James knew would get it] Hopefully I helped? [just be glad he didn't tell James it wasn't worth it because eventually, he'd lose whoever he'd gotten attached to. he, himself, learned that the hard way]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He's forgotten about the alcohol and starts before returning it to Nathan. ]

I think. I hope. That and trying to talk to them, like, set some ground rules or get an idea of how they're feeling. [ He pauses and hugs himself, head hanging. Since Nathan shared, it feels only fair to return the favor. ] I'm talking about Gabriel and Bela, for the record. Uh, Rodriguez and Talbot?

[ And seeing as nothing sexual has happened with Diana, he leaves her name out of it for now. ]

[duderaider]

[Aiden's eyebrows go up and down several times as he digests that]

[he wasn't expecting there to be more than one party James was interested in. he wasn't expecting one of them to be a guy. neither of those things are really bothersome, per se, though -- hey, whatever James is into, even if he's a one-at-a-time-ladies man, himself. he wasn't expecting one of them to be Bela, and that is a little disappointing, maybe, for all that he might have tried flirting with her, if and when he decided he was ready for something again, after Elena, after Caroline]

Huh.

[a beat]

I know Bela. I don't think I've ever met Gabriel, though.

[chaos_magnet]

[ He can't say "It's the blind guy", because it's not Jim's business to delve such information, and he gave his word to keep Gabe's condition to himself. What he can share is easily gained information. ]

He's rooming with Ignacio, and I've seen him hang out with Carol.

[ Just in case it triggers any vague passing-bys.

He reaches for the bottle, shifting his weight because it's still a little uncomfortable - the situation as a whole (slipping partial back into Old Jim, the guy who slept his way through previous employments), talking about sexual partners and them not being Naomi, just...everything. ]

Do you want to talk about whether that's a good or bad thing, or is there more you want to get off your chest? 'Cause I'm ready for either topic.

[duderaider]

[Nathan shakes his head, even as he passes the bottle back. this still isn't ringing a bell. he doesn't know Ignacio or Carol, either]

You'll have to introduce me, sometime.

[a beat]

And uh, I don't know. [and another] I'm not sure there's really much more for me to say. [this situation sucks. he misses Caroline. he misses Elena. he hates it here and he wants to go home. but oh, wait. he's fucking dead and this is all his fault]

[fuck]

[chaos_magnet]

[ His possession of the bottle is a short one, just a quick sip and it's being passed back again. ] Do you have a plan in place if either of them ever shows up? Elena or Caroline?

[duderaider]

[taking the bottle back, he takes a deeper drink from it. when he lowers it again, he looks thoughtful for a moment before ultimately shaking his head]

I kinda -- I don't feel like I need to worry about Elena showing up? [or anyone from home, and that's both a relief and a source of upset, especially right now. he really wishes Sam was here, if no one else] I mean, it's been, what, almost a year since I've been here, and I haven't seen anyone from home?

[a beat]

But Caroline? [he shakes his head again] I don't know, man. [and then he barks out a laugh] I might not even have to worry about it. I mean, I've heard some shit about people not remembering this place, when they leave, so.

[chaos_magnet]

Right. And at least if someone from home shows up, leaves, and comes back without memories of Penance they'll still have the memories from before. So, you know, small favors or whatever. There's still a connection.

[ It gets James thinking, though, about how he would feel losing Bela or Gabriel only to get them back at some undetermined time with their time together omitted from memory. ]

Hey, who are you living with at the moment?

[duderaider]

[Nathan blinks at the question, if only because he can't figure out how James got to it]

Uh, Tony Stark and Wanda Maximoff. [a beat] Why?

[please, fill him in on that train of thought]

[chaos_magnet]

If you were without suitemates, I'd suggest taking one of the two rooms Wuxian and I have available. Though, there's a running joke our suite is cursed, because every new person we get disappears.

[duderaider]

[he exhales a breath of a laugh, at that]

You trying to get rid of me, man?

[he knows he's not -- and he might think about moving in with James, to be honest -- but he can't help but joke]

[chaos_magnet]

[ He winces exaggeratedly, sucking air between teeth. ]

Ack, I was too obvious, wasn't I? Knew I should have been more subtle.

[ Holden shakes his head, denying any seriousness. ]

I don't know how the living situations work; how we get moved or upgraded, how someone gets a house, so.

[ Sew buttons. When they're in the 'Burbs, Diana will suggest he keep the house they take over, what with all the work the three of them will do to it. ]